The Middle

A few weeks(ish) ago I wrote a post about making changes in my life, about taking things into my own two hands and chasing dreams. Well, bad news, I still don't have a dream to chase and I need to real for a second.

Life is hard.

When I was little all I wanted was to be sixteen. I couldn't wait to drive around town with all my friends and go on a million dates and be "independent." Then I turned sixteen. Talk about a major disappointment. So, I thought up a new dream. This dream involved me going off to college, pulling all nighters, kissing all the boys and spending years figuring things out before I had to really start acting like an adult. I couldn't wait for that "freedom."

Are you sensing a theme here?

Well, it turns out college wasn't like that for me at all. My first two semesters were dedicated to getting the prerequisites I needed to transfer to USU and get accepted into their Dietetics program. Obviously there was a change of plans. Now, here I am, a twenty one year old Registered Nurse with a full time career, an incredible husband, and a fully paid off car. I'm in what I like to call "the Middle."

The Middle is this cozy little place where you are in between two realities. Yes, I have a full time career but Matt's a full time student. We have bills to pay and doctors appointments to make, but those doctors appointments are partially paid for by our parents insurance (the good thing about Obamacare) and I have to go to my parents to do our laundry. I feel like there is so much to get figured out, so many decisions that have to be made in the next half a second but not just yet. I hate that. I hate that in between feeling! I'm a terrible wait-er

It's real problem and the worst part of it is that I'm unhappy. I'm anxious. I get stressed when I know I shouldn't. I'm no good at not being in control every second of every day. Call it OCD, anxiety, being a woman, whatever, what it really is is frustrating!

I need to learn to live in the moment, to live in "the Middle".  You know, maybe it's not so bad right here after all. I have this amazing guy that sings to me almost every night (don't tell him I told you) in his best Southern twang. I have a job with awesome benefits even if it does stress me to the max. I'm surrounded by incredible woman with inspiring stories and fantastic hair! I have family that supports and loves us and nieces and nephews that give hugs and kisses and draw pictures for us on Sundays.

I don't know if it gets any better than that.

Even in the Middle.