Friday, June 6, 2014

The [wonderful] world of couple dating

As a singleton, I thought dating was rough.
What to wear,
what to say,
how to act?!
It was SO much unnecessary pressure.

I thought all of that nonsense would disappear once I got married. I mean, this man has seen me at my worst and had to deal with my dragon breath every morning. What could be worse than that? I mean seriously, I could light a match with how fiery my breath is, even when I floss before bed. What's up with that?

Anyway, there's this weird thing that happens when you get married called "making friends". Finding a couple that both people like is way trickier than you would imagine. At least when you're a singleton it's just about you and him (or her). Now, it's about him and him and her and her and him and her and her and him. HELLO! Talk about a rough ride sometimes. Matt and I have gone on quite a few... interesting... couple dates. Sometimes four people just don't quite mesh and there's nothing wrong with that at all, heck, if it was easy it would be called be easy-ing! Sorry, that was a lame joke. I guess what all of this madness is leading into is a few of the categories of couples I've heard about and occasionally experienced.

+ The "Inside Joke" Couple: We don't actually have any idea what you're talking about. None. At all. So, no that isn't funny to us.

A trip to the dentist makes all the difference (24 pics) - awkward_smile

+ The "We Fight in Public" Couple: I'm just going to sit over here and look at the wall...

MRW Im eating dinner with my girlfriends parents for the first time and her dad tells me about his gun collection

+ The "Newlywed" Couple: Because who doesn't love to watch public fondling?

gag gif

+ The "How Did You Two End Up Together" Couple: Need I say more?

And then there are those couples that you just *click* with.

You know who you are.


P.S. This was not intended to hurt or offend. I'm just trying to be funny. For my documented struggle to be a comedian, please read here.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Playing Pretend

Hey guys,

My world has been shattered. I've been trying to keep this to myself, but cannot any longer. Flattery and words of encouragement would be appreciated. (overdramatic much?)

A few weeks ago Matt and I got to hang out with mah gurls from high school and their respective beaus. Talk about a good time! I was in the zone, ya know? I was cracking the jokes and coming up with witty anecdotes and, really, just pleasing the crowd.
Watch out world, here comes Cami!
And everyone was eating it up!
Well, everyone except for that stinky husband of mine. He was shutting my down hardcore. No gut-wrenching cackles from him, instead, he sat with a smug smile on that little handsome face of his. Fun. Hater.

As we were driving home I told him that stealing my thunder is NOT ALLOWED. No raining on this girl's entertaining parade. None of this, "I never said that" or "that's not how it happened" business. I was the storyteller and therefore am allowed the right to embellish things as I please, right? Wrong, apparently.

Our conversation went a little like this:
"Babe, you can't be shuttin' me down in front of my friends like that! You have to at least pretend that you think I'm funny like [insert reference of one of my friends and her boyfriend]."

His reply:
"I do think you're funny. He's just trying to marry her."

Well, I guess that clears things up then. Boys only think girls are funny until that ring is on their finger.
So much for my moonlighting gig as a stand up

Soberly yours,

P.S. Don't let this story fool you. Matt really does think I'm hilarious at least 92% of the time. I mean, who am I kidding, I'm pretty much Billy Crystal in a dress!