Monday, March 17, 2014

One Year Later

Oh my gosh, you guys, I've officially been married a year! I can't believe it. I keep telling everyone that it feels like forever and yet it feels like it was just yesterday that I looked into his big hazel-y eyes and promised myself to him for eternity. Cheesy much? The past year has been difficult to say the least. I married this incredible human and then, before I could blink, I was in a new world where he was sick, I had no friends and we both were just trying to figure out how to be married. It was hard. I remember so many nights where I would stay awake late into the night listening to him breath just because I could. Except for in my career I had never dealt with illness. Despite random broken limbs and the occasional cold and flu, I have always been pretty dang healthy. Matt's just about the opposite. I wasn't prepared for weekly doctor's appointments and the prospects of a major surgery. I didn't "sign up" for that.
You know, it's impossible to know how much you really love someone until you realize you might lose them forever. No, Matt was never on his death bed, but only having him for a short time on this earth became a real possibility in those first few months. He was losing weight like crazy, and you better believe I was finding it. We tried every medication we could get our hands on, but nothing was working. He was in pain and exhausted all the time which drastically limited our options for date night. We watched a lot of movies and had too many Netflix marathons to count. I cried all the time. I mean, all the time. That poor boy probably that I had some serious mental issues! But, it was just hard. It was scary and weird and just the worst!
Now, I know I sound like a total whiner, but I had to explain everything that was going on so you would understand how far we've come. We can go on hikes together now! We can eat pizza without Matt wanting to die. Do you understand what an accomplishment that is? I'm over here getting emotional because my freaking husband can eat a crappy hamburger and fries and not spend the rest of the night in the fetal position! It's pretty awesome.
Through the thick and thin (lots of thin, sparce thick), Matt and I have become solid. He has become incredible patient with me, especially when I cry after watching Blackfish or make him take me to the pet store to hold kittens. I've learned that I can't control everything. Guess what, we don't actually have any control over anything  in life (except our attitudes, right mom?) and we have to learn to take each day as it comes and be grateful for the little things. I'm grateful that I have a husband that can play basketball with his friends.
I'm grateful for a husband that surprised me with a trip to Zion National Park this weekend because he knows how much I've been wanting to go, but mostly because he knows how much I love surprises.

I'm grateful for my tiny apartment that doesn't fit hardly any of our stuff and always appears cluttered because it means that I have been blessed with more than I need and I only ever have 10 square feet to vacuum.

I'm grateful for a man in my life that puts up with my selfies, even though he doesn't always smile.

I'm grateful that Matt picked out all of my outfits this weekend and I actually looked great! Talk about an impressive feat.

You know, I'd say I lucked out by getting the guy I did. This past year hasn't been an easy one, but every moment has been worth it. Here's to a million more moments like this.

Rambling of a Sleep Deprived Mind

I cut my hair off a while ago. I've meant to post about it some many times. I've started and restarted the post, sometimes with a joke, sometimes with a serious sentiment, sometimes with no words at all. I couldn't find a way to express the journey of my hair. 
I've had it all- the pixie, the Mom, the emo, the super short to (kind of) super long and everything in between. The one thing I hadn't tried was the "long bob." I was looking for a change. I had a "new" healthy husband, I lived in a new town, with a new job and a new apartment. I needed a new me. 

Coco Chanel, bless her soul, once said, 
I hope that's true. I hope this is the beginning of a new life. I don't know what a want. I don't have a dream to chase right now, but I know that somewhere out there is something bigger than myself to grab hold of and you can bet I'm going to find it, but mostly just because I cut my hair!