Being a mom is hard. After weeks of sleepless nights and frustrated hours spent trying to get my sweet Emiline to eat I am worn down and raw.. I'm tired, and sometimes (more often than I like to admit) I am cranky. Having another person to look after, a person who can't tell me that her tummy hurts or that she just needs to be laid down or she's a little bit cranky too, has been a challenge. Many days I miss when I could run to the store without having to pack up a diaper bag and carry a car seat. Heaven knows I miss the full nights of sleep.
Being a mom is hard.
But, I have this beautiful little girl with big blue eyes and a smile to die for that I love more than I thought possible. Yes, I'm exhausted and I've cried in the shower over spit up in my hair. That's part of Mommy-hood and those things can weigh me down.
There's this other part of being a mom, though, that is beautiful and incredible and unbearably rewarding. It's the first time she smiled at me. It's how even with a scratchy throat and stuffy nose she still manages to give me that big beautiful, full body grin! It's the way she looks at me at three in the morning while I hold her close to feed her and when she smiles at me for no reason and the milk drips out of the side of her mouth making me laugh. When she falls asleep on my shoulder while I'm burping her and her chubby little cheek squishes against me- that's when I feel heaven.
Life isn't an Instagram post. My hair is rarely done and I view makeup as a necessary evil. Everyday isn't rainbows and butterflies. It would be easy to write just about all the not so fun parts motherhood, but here's the kicker: being a mom is hard, but life without my baby was even harder!
Emiline loves me with no makeup on and the same sticky t-shirt she's spit up on every night this week. She loves me even when I'm grumpy and selfish. She doesn't care if we don't get out of our Jammies until lunchtime and she definitely could care less if she gets a bath today! All she asks is that I love her (and make sure she's fed and gets her diaper changed at least a few times a day), because she loves me anyway. She loves me anyway!
Being a mom is hard.
Because most of the time I don't deserve all of that love.
Being a mom is hard
Because loving someone so much changes a person and change isn't easy.
Being a mom is hard. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sick baby that I need to let love me.
Amen girl! I feel like you just posted my journal entries for the past 9 months! :)
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